wel int engels maar geen zin om ze te vertalen
5 PARACHUTES....
An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but
only 4 parachutes.
The first passenger said, "I am President Obama, the chosen one. The world
needs me, I can't afford to die." So he took the first parachute and
left the plane.
The second passenger, Nancy Pelosi, said, "I am the Speaker of the
House. And I am the smartest woman in American history, so America 's people don't want me to die." She took the second parachute and jumped out of the plane.
The third passenger, John Kerry, said, "I'm a Senator, and a
decorated war hero from the Army of the United States of America ." So he grabbed the parachute next to him and jumped.
The fourth passenger, ex-President George W. Bush, said to the fifth
passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl, "I have lived a full life, and
served my country the best I could. I will sacrifice my life and let you
have the last parachute."
The little girl said, "That's okay, Mr. President. There's a parachute left
or you. America 's smartest woman took my schoolbag."
Default Which part goes to heaven first??
The nun teaching Sunday school was speaking to her class one morning
and she asked the question, 'When you die and go to Heaven, which
part of your body goes first?’
Suzy raised her hand and said, 'I think it's your hands.'
'Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?'
Suzy replied: 'Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in
front of you and God just takes your hands first.'
'What a wonderful answer!', the nun said.
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, 'Sister, I think it's your
feet.'
The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. 'Now,
Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?'
Johnny said: 'Well, I walked into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night.
Mom had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying: 'Oh God!
I'm coming!' If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her.’
The Nun fainted!
Default My private part died today
An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home.
One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.
Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong, 'Yes, Nurse Tracy ,' said Mr. Wallace.
'My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.'
Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Wallace. Please accept my condolences.'
The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall with his Private Part hanging out of his pajamas.
He met Nurse Tracy. 'Mr. Wallace,' she said, 'You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that.
Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas.'
'But, Nurse Tracy I can't,' replied Mr. Wallace. 'I told you yesterday that my Private Part died.
'Yes,' said Nurse Tracy, 'you did tell me that, but w hy is it hanging out of your pajamas?'
(You've gotta love this.)
'Well,' he replied, 'Today is the viewing.'
I have four extra tickets for the Robbie Knievel (son of Evil Knievel)
event at the Ford Center next weekend in Glendale AZ., if anybody
wants them.
Robbie is going to try to jump over 1,000 Obama supporters with a
Caterpillar D-9 bulldozer.
Should be a good time.
The Cork
Two Arab terrorists are in a locker room taking a shower after their bomb making class, when one notices the other has a huge cork stuck in his butt.
"If you do not mind me saying," said the second, "that cork looks very uncomfortable.. Why do you not take it out?"
"I regret I cannot," lamented the first terrorist. "It is permanently stuck in my butt."
"I do not understand," said the other.
The first terrorist says, "I was walking along the beach and I tripped over an oil lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a huge old man in an American flag attire with a white beard and top hat came boiling out. He said, "I am Uncle Sam, the Genie. I can grant you one wish."
I said, "No shit"
Three friends get married.....
THE DIFFERENCE IF YOU MARRY A TEXAS GIRL
Three friends married women from different parts of the country.
The first man married a woman from Wisconsin. He told her he wanted her to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the
third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put
away.
The second man married a woman from Minnesota . He told her that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day
he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the
third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was
a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a girl from Texas. He ordered her to keep the house
cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the
table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the
second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the
swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and
his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load
the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees.
